Sheatty

Remember the climactic scene on the exchange floor in Trading Places where Valentine and Winthrope are working the Frozen Concentrated Orange Juice Markets?  And, meanwhile, the evil Dukes are using their faulty information on the Florida orange crops to manically buy before realizing they're sitting on lemons (so to speak) and sell what they can before going bankrupt?

I feel like the Dukes.

I'm flip-flopping like a politician: sell this whole freaking team as far as I'm concerned.

Looks like we may be able to get some value for Special Agent Jack (last night's performance notwithstanding), Day to Day Ray, Aurilia, and perhaps even Vizquel.  There are rumors that the Brew Crew and the Cards are among the interested parties.

I add Molina and Winn to that list.

Comment-Starter: If a team offers you a bounty for Matt Cain a la CC (No Period) Sabathia, should you listen?

At Least They Don't Dive

In an effort to make relative the ongoing struggles of the Giants offense, I give you an athlete even more pathetic than Frederick, Raymond, Randall, and Bengamin (otherwise known as the 0 for Shea Gang) combined:

Reformed bust Barry Zito (take that Kawakami) tries to be the stopper tonight.

Comment-Starter: What do you do to give this offense a shot in the arm?

Jinxecum?

It can't be, right?

I mean, sure, The Freak gave up his second most hits of the season in the start immediately following the leak of the issue, but he still got the win.

And, sure, following the issue's release this week, he lost for the first time in two and a half months and served up two gopher balls after giving up five in the three months prior.

But it's all a coincidence.  It has to be.

It's not like the Giants offense ever made the cover.

Comment-Starter:  It's just a coincidence, right?

Velez Back

Eugenio makes his triumphant return at the expense of Brian "The Rabbi" Horwitz. 

Velez seemed to take out the frustration of his May demotion on AAA pitchers, putting up a .310/.372/.509.  His 13 stolen bags would be nice if he didn't get caught a whopping 9 times, lending little credence to the notion that he has become a more polished player in the past couple of months.

Godspeed to Horwitz, who looks like he could be a nice Mark Sweeney type down the line.

Andrew Baggarly speculates that this could be a precursor to a Durham trade, God willing, but I'm going to stick with my policy of assuming it's just another case of questionable roster management by the higher-ups.

Baggarly also has a good piece on the curious merging of paths of the principal players of the White Flag Trade of 1997 and the Giants potential deadline activity.

For those of you who are not paying attention, The Freak goes against the Mets tonight.

Off-Day Fun: Mail Bomb Kawakami

In case you missed it, Tim Kawakami continues to prove he's a poor man's Skip Bayless with his latest article hating on Barry Zito's latest performance.

So, with the Giants off today, I say use the extra three hours of the day to MAILBOMB KAWAKAMI!

Here's a form letter for your convenience:

Dear Tim,

In regards to your latest abomination of a column on Barry Zito's 10 K performance, I have three words for you:

Stick to basketball.

If you'd like a further explication of my vitriol towards the poor excuse for journalism that you spew, please refer to this: http://www.orangeblackandblue.com/2008/07/open-letter-to-kawakami.html.

Best always,
(You)

UPDATE (10:36AM): JLev concocted a fantastic addendum to the above.  Sheer brilliance:

Your ugly tendency to focus on the negative, while fun to write and perhaps to read, is hackish at best and seems like the biggest cop-out you could make.

I’m no Zito apologist, but wouldn’t it be a lot more inventive and (dare I say) original if you were to do something other than bash the piñata at this birthday party?  Is it really that hard to come up with something better than a “Zito Still Sucks” article? 

Yeah he’s overpaid, yeah he underperforms, but you aren’t getting the Pulitzer for deflating a fanbase and rehashing old points.  Wait, we gave him a $126 million contract?  NO WAY!!  Now I am outraged.  Thanks for the info, Tim.

Lincecum and Wilson

Your two Giants All-Stars.

Also, Cain wets the bed against the foes that shall not be named.

Open Letter to Kawakami

Best game ever.

Now 4 games back, the boys have Cainer going in the afternoon rubber match against the worst people in the world.

Is the Zito Renaissance really happening?  (For that matter - Chan Ho Park Renaissance?  Seriously?)

Tim Kawakami doesn't think so.  I linked to him, so I'll drive up his traffic, but all of you should read his steaming pile of pseudo-journalism so you can share in my vitriol for the hack.

Here's a message for you, Tim: you were never a good basketball writer and you're a piss-poor baseball man.  I'm sure you're perfectly aware that you're from the Skip Bayless School of Writing (contrarian views based less on fact and more on, well, nothing).  So good luck to you on attaining that goal of being a second alternate mid-morning talking head on The Ocho.

Your Bayless still needs some work, though.  (Yeah, the gloves are off).

I make no bones about being a total hack myself.  But at least I believe in some of the BS I spew.  I don't have to convince anyone I've hated on Zito as much the next fan, but show some integrity there, guy.  Your failure to acknowledge Barry's recent starts as a legitimate baseball story completely undermines your ability to speak with any authority on the subject.

As far as I'm concerned, you're the Going Overboard of sportswriters.

Maybe you could pick up a thing or two to from your far superior colleague Andrew Baggarly, who reports that Tyler Walker is getting an MRI on his knee.  At least he hurt it doing the Lord's work/beaning Jeff Kent, which drew cheers from the greatest fans on earth.