Silver Lining-Free Zone

I'm sure you're all aware of the skeletal plot of a contrived sports movie: a team of scrappy unheralded players perseveres through a period of complete incompetence, meeting the expectations of every outsider, only to band together and prove that the sum is greater than the value of its parts, leading to a sappy and painfully predictable ending.

This Giants team is the antithesis of that. Except you have the same general disregard you did for these guys as you did for the duration of Air Bud: Seventh Inning Fetch.

The Giants, from the top levels of management down, demise into preseason expectations is officially complete. Let's count the ways, shall we?

The Lineup: You all remember Jason Johnson, right? Oh wait, why should you? Quick refresher: the guy was a craptastic pitcher for the Orioles in the late 90s and early 2000s before eventually pitching his way out of the MLB and onto the Seibu Lions last year.

So, obviously, he shuts the Giants down for six.

To add insult to injury, Chan Ho Park came into relieve and also proceed to do away with the lineup in a cruel and efficient manner.

Don Drysdale was up in the ninth, but I can only assume Joe Torre, classy guy that he is, spared us his wrath.

Brian Sabean: He actually sold a part in Ray Durham, so there's that. And it doesn't look like he wants to buy, which is okay.

But for Ganesha's sake, snippets like these make me want to unleash the lunatic inside:

Sabean will listen to offers for Molina and Winn, but the Giants would have to win the deal. In other words, the Giants would have to receive, for openers, a young position player who could fill a glaring need. In the Giants' case, that is power. As Sabean said on his radio show Thursday, "I personally don't see those deals out there."

I'll forgo the outrage bit and simply state this opinion: I would trade Molina and Winn (and their 2009 contracts) for Pablo Sandoval and Nate Schierholtz in a heartbeat.

If anyone's offering a the Air Bud Trilogy for the entirety of their contracts, please just do it now.

But then, to destroy my spirit even more, Schulman weighs in with this:

"I think you have to be open minded because of the division we're in," Sabean said Tuesday.

[Snip.]

[In relation to Molina] The Marlins are said to be dangling first baseman Mike Jacobs, who has 22 home runs this year. John Bowker, at 24 is three years younger and, in the Giants' eyes, could become a better hitter than Jacobs.

Meanwhile, teams are stepping up conversations about left-handed reliever Jack Taschner, but again, the Giants are reluctant to deal a commodity - namely, a left-handed setup man whom the team can control for the next three years - that would not be easily replaced.

Really? Think we're all set at first with Bowker (who I love)? Not worth taking on a 27 year old plus power corner infielder who has more than twice as many homers as anyone else on our team in an extreme pitchers park?

Oh, don't know if you forgot, but John Bowker is an OUTFIELDER!

Better get used to this bunch of clowns.

And finally...

Bruce Bochy: That's right, I've turned. Jose Castillo, after doing his best Chuck Knoblauch on Monday, was out there again last night. Bochy's defense?

"We want to take somewhat of a look at him," Bochy said.

[Snip]

"I like the way he swings the bat," Bochy said.

Schulman puts it more bluntly:

Jose Castillo started at second base for the second straight game. Manager Bruce Bochy said the Giants want to evaluate him as a potential second baseman for the future.

Translation? The 2009 Bruce Bochy-led Giants will live and die by Shrekstillo.

It is an absolute disgrace that our team has once again been hijacked by a huge headed BB. Taking a look at a repeated failure like Jose Castillo while Manny Burriss toils on the bench? Hell, I'm not the biggest Eugenio Velez booster, but at least he hasn't been released by the Pirates and the Marlins.

I almost wish that Bochy copped to showcasing Castillo rather than implying that he's a part of this team's future. The Giants picked this guy up off waivers mere days before the start of the season because, lo and behold, Sabean had done nothing to address the position after the departure of Pedro Feliz.

That's like being forced to lick a piece of dog poop by the local bully, deciding it doesn't taste as bad as you thought, and making it a part of your regular diet.

(Yeah, the 12 year old in all of you should probably check out Step Brothers if you haven't already.)

I can't even look at these guys right now.

Oh yeah, the Giants lost.