At Least It Wasn't Second Base

The Shawn Estes comeback story may have reached an untimely end.

How are all these "athletes" such klutzes? I completely lack the characteristics generally associated with athleticism and grace and I couldn't do this stuff if I tried - then again, I spend 80% of my existence is in a hyperbaric chamber, dictating to my monkey stenographer...

Also, Pat Misch sucks.

Restraining Order for Sabes?

Per Keith Law, the Giants are said to be "obsessed" with Justin Smoak, the powerful, sweet-swinging, switch-hittin', banjo-strummin' root-and-tootin' son of a gun first baseman from South Carolina.

According to Law, though, if Tim Beckham's there at 5 this Thursday, all bets are off.

Rumors and innuendo to be sure, but if that's the game plan, have to say I'm pleased with it at this juncture.

Giants Calculus

Call it the Anti-Disney Theorem:

There exists an inverse relationship to the magnitude of historic achievement in a single game to the chances of a San Francisco Giants win.

On a night in which the Giants honored Omar Vizquel for breaking Aparicio's record and the Giants turned their first triple play this millenium, the boys couldn't break through against the even more pathetic Padres in 13 innings.

Between the fact that history occurred, Matt Cain started and Greg Maddux was pitching for the bad guys, I shouldn't have even bothered tuning in.

In perhaps his last regularly scheduled start, Mischcast Pat takes on fellow injury replacement (for the nasty Chris Young) Josh Banks in the afternoon game.

- Ortmeier to DL (with a broken finger he has no idea how he broke - seriously) and Brian Horwitz up.

Ortmeier is quickly going the way of JR Phillips, Damon Minor, and Lance Niekro.

Schierholtz stays down to get regular playing time. I dig that.

So...Travis Denker? No one sees any problems with him having started one game since his call up?

Discussion Junction: How stupid is this Denker call up, and management as a whole? Also, do you agree with the Anti-Disney Theorem?

Holy Sweep!

"Ace" Barry Zito leads the Giants to a sweep of Randy Johnson and the first-place D'Bags to cap a 6-3 road trip.

Let the record show that Orange Black and Blue takes absolute full entire credit for that. You can be sure that Warm Fuzzy Zito Feeling Email Writing Campaign (don't you like the ring of that?) will be back.

That being said, I suppose these guys helped:

Macho Man Randy Winn: Two homers, including one off a previously perfectly dominant (and record-tying) Big Unit in the fourth, and then off Chad "You're Breaking My" Qualls for the go ahead run in the ninth. His first homer from the left side this year. Off a guy who doesn't really give up homers. To the opposite field. To double his HR total for the year.

If you called that, I'm laying my Belmont bet down soon, so I'd love to get your input.

Aaron Rowand: Did you see that full extension catch? Absolutely disgustingly sick. The #4 hitter in the National League (with Big Money nipping at his heels at #5) was, dare I say, a great Sabean signing?

Brian Wilson: First pitch strikes, ridiculously unfair sliders and no BS in an 8 pitch save. I'll take that every time, Robb.

And finally...

Barry Zito: Warm fuzzy feelings = quality starts. You need any more proof?

For the record, he (or one of his minions) wrote back:

Thanks man.
Appreciate your support. Great win for our team!
Z

What were you expecting, Shakespeare? Classy, though.

- The good guys face their second legend in a row tonight. Unlike the Big Wet Rat, the Farting Professor has completely pwn3d the G's throughout his long career.

- A fluff piece with some interesting tidbits has given rise to a new OBnB stupid nickname: HinShawn Carter.

Comment THIS: Did Zito write you back? Will you ever doubt OBnB's powers again? And also, can the Giants keep up this run against the hapless Friars?

To Sir Zito With Love

Good Vibrations isn't just the place where you go to buy your special someone a little "toy" to play with; it's something the recently less downtrodden Barry Zito feeds off of in order to get a good start going. After finding his personal email address on his website two weeks ago, I have taken to writing Barry an email before each of his starts in an effort to bolster his spirits.

They usually sound something like this:

Z,

I ain't afraid of no Marlins. You shouldn't be either. You have pitched well against them in the past and despite their recent surge, I know you can stick it to these guys. Your boys will get you some run support, so all you gotta do is go out there and throw strikes. I know you can do it, man. Let's eat some filet-o-fish for dinner tonight!

And you know what? He has been responsive, usually getting back to me relatively quickly with something like:

Hey man!

Thanks so much! I continue to work hard and I appreciate your support. They always say the fans are the 10th man on the field.

Z

It seems to have helped, too. In his last two starts, buoyed by the strength of the warm and fuzzy feelings that my oh-so-brilliant emails afforded him, Zito has looked closer to mediocre than he has all season. In his last two starts, he is 1-1 with a 2.38 ERA and has given up just 11 hits (only one of them for extra bases), while striking out nine. Barry has still had trouble keeping his pitch count low, throwing only 11.1 innings in that span, but he looked to regain some of that control in his last start.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I would love if every man, woman and crab were to login to their email and send a quick well-wishing note his way tonight. Not tomorrow, not the next day, but tonight. Preferably right after you finish reading this post. OBnB is starting an official "Warm Fuzzy Zito Feeling Email Writing Campaign". It's not going to transform him into Sandy Koufax any time soon, but it may get his spirits high enough to top The Big Screwnit tonight in AZ.

Email Barry Zito!

Misch-cast

Good news for the pitching staff as Kevin Correia and Merkin look to be progressing. Correia could even be back by the second week of June, if I'm reading correctly - which, between the glass eye and the early morning cocktail, I'm probably not.

KC and The Sunshine Band's return might spell the end of one of my favorite pun-jockeys in Pat Misch. Love the guy, but I'll be happy to see him either slide to long relief or (more likely) go back to Fresno.

Hope that Merkin can stay healthy once he's back. If he came back today, I'd guess Sadler would go down - but there's still plenty of time to think of a fake injury!

(I'm looking at you, Ray.)

???

Who were those guys?

Excuse my confusion, but those mysterious men in gray scored in double digits - for the first time all season. (They were the second to last to get there, however, with the Royals still reliably being the Royals.)

I gave Feliz-lite grief yesterday for his atrocious hitting with the bases loaded, but the team as a whole entered last night's play hitting .094 (3 for 32) in such situations. In yesterday's win, they went a blistering 3 for 4.

Jonathan Sanchez acting the part of poised pitcher while the opponent's starter repeatedly got rattled? You had to see it to believe it. In the words of Boch:

"He's just really growing as a pitcher. He had it all going tonight, and aside from the command, he was very composed. It's great to see how poised he has become."

Some great stuff from opposition press about the throttling the Giants delivered last night. Melvin calls it their worst loss of the year. Fantastic.

A legitimate leadoff hitter, cleanup hitter, and #5 hitter really does wonders for an offense. It's too much to ask that Bengie and Rowand keep up this whiffle ball streak, but it does underscore what the presence of one legitimate power bat could do for this team.

If only there was one available...

As for that #6 hitter - well, he had a good game, actually a good month, but I still say he kills any of our fathers if he gets a chance.

I can't wait until his value invariably bottoms out with a bottom injury and he gets traded for Shea Hillenbrand.

Some more good news: with yesterday's win, the Giants move to 5-3 and clinch a winning road trip.

Bad news: a suddenly decent Big Wet Rat takes the mound against Zito tonight.

Posey at 5?

In his latest mock, Jonathan Mayo of MLB.com has the Giants taking catcher Buster Posey of FSU.

Posey is supposedly still a real consideration for the Rays, who have the #1 pick and are stocked with young studs at every position save for catcher. In this scenario, however, the Rays take Tim Beckham, the stud high school SS, and, in my estimation, the best prospect in the draft.

Posey seems to project as a strong-armed polished backstop with 12-15 HR power. With Smoak, Alonso, and Gordon Beckham on the board at #5, I don't know how happy I'd be with that pick.

Orange Black and Blue draft coverage will ramp up in the runup to next week's draft.

Commentary-Inciter: With Tim Beckham looking more likely to be unavailable at 5, who should the Giants take in the above scenario?

8 Bits of Wonderful

Tim Lincecum is good. Really quite good. I can't overemphasize how good he is.

He proved it again last night.

He has a third of our team's victories. In other words, if this team wins 75 games, he would have 25 wins.

He's 5-0 when the Giants enter his starts on a losing streak.

He's 7-1 with a 2.33 ERA and 76 Ks in 69.2 IPs.

Simply, Tim Lincecum is video game good.


- Ditto Big Money. Out of his mind. An 8 for 8 stretch with RISP? Get outta here.

- On the other hand, or perhaps foot, Jose Castillo (800 foot homer notwithstanding) can't get a hit (or a sac fly) with RISP to save his life. .217 overall and a ghastly 0 for 9 with the bases loaded and 0 for 3 with runners on 2nd and third.

He's Pedro Feliz...lite. I just said it. Deal with it.

- Ray Durham doesn't play hard. In the words of Mark Grace, who I don't often quote, "Durham just stretched a triple into a double."

UPDATE: The fantastically bitter (and insightful) Mr. Lomez of the Bay Area Sports Machine devotes an entire entry to the hellacious sucktitude of Ray Durham. A must-read.

Midday Break: Norwich Bashing, Alou and Porn?

- Joe Perez of the Norwich bulletin has harsh words for Travis Denker and the entire Giants organization (I think I kinda like this guy) regarding the spate of complaints concerning the temperature in Norwich and the dimensions of Dodd Stadium.

- Felipe Alou: next Mets manager?

- Everyone's favorite adult-film moonlighting ex-Giant (and the then-centerpiece of the Matt Williams deal) is back.

Molina de Semana

In what promises to be one of few pieces of recognition the 2008 San Francisco Giants receive, our venerable cleanup hitter proved not only the best of the Flying Molina Catching Brothers, but the whole darn National League as he is named the Player of the Week for the week of May 19-25.

His stats from the week? .652 (15-23) batting average, nine RBIs, .654 on-base percentage, 15 hits, six of which were doubles, and a 1.043 slugging percentage. In the backbreaking May 25th doubleheader on Sunday, he went a combined 6-for-7 with four doubles, five RBI and two runs scored.

In a word: ridiculous.

Congrats, Bengie.

- Great matchup tonight as "Keep Us Closer" Tiny Dancer faces Dan Haren at the field formerly known as the BoB. 6:40 start.

- Pedro Martinez will return next week as the dysfunctional Metropolitans of New York come to Pac Bell on June 3rd.

"We look forward to a dominating 2/3 of an inning from Pedro," manager Willie Randolph told the vultures, er, press corps in New York. "We plan on lifting him at that point to preserve his body for his next start in August."

"Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go pick up the Wilpon's dry-cleaninng."

- Orlando Cepeda avoids the slammer. I'm pretty sure that he'll quit after this whole ordeal...

- Another thing I'm sure of: this is what will happen whenever the Giants ever hoist a trophy, be it in my lifetime or my great-grandchildren's.

Discussion-Explosion: What other individual awards could the San Francisco Giants win this season?

Another Broken Record: Backbreaking Losses

Giants drop two maddening games in the double-header, the second costing hard-luck Matt Cain another shot at a win. Misch-ugana remains winless after deciding to take the day off, getting absolutely shelled in the first game.

Positives: Aaron Rowand's 100th career homer and Bengie Molina's total dominance (12 for his last 17).

Unlike Pat Misch, Omar Vizquel shows up, and gets the all-time record for doing so in the second game. I guess Woody Allen was on to something.

Happy Memorial Day, everyone.

Rained Out

Double-header tomorrow starting at 10AM.

Cain-Badenhop (presumably) take the mound in the first game, with Misch-Hendrickson in the second.

Party Like It's 2002

On the strength of back-to-back homers from their 4 and 5 hitters, a solo shot from their third baseman, and two doubles from Rich Aurilia, one of an RBI variety, the San Francisco Giants easily dispatched a hapless Florida Marlins team 8-2 for their third win in a row.

In other news, Barry Zito turned in a Cy Young performance to get an easy win.

Also, the New England Patriots upset the heavily favored St. Louis Rams in a completely fair and square Super Bowl XXXII, the reign of Kobe and Shaq has no end in sight, and the nation collectively shudders at the sight of Gary Condit.

Okay, that last paragraph didn't happen, but you would forgive me for thinking we entered a time warp last night.

Instead, Baked Zito has shed the Zit0-8 label (Zit1-8 doesn't quite have the same ring) with an encouraging performance in which he allowed only one hit after a allowing a first inning run in 6.1 strong innings.

Zito now has a 3.26 ERA following his paid leave of absence. Although he continues to walk way too many people, his command of the two-seamer, which he had put in mothballs years prior, seems to have made a difference.

An impressive win over arguably the best team in the NL with their de facto ace on the mound. Cainer faces the Burke Badenhop in the Saturday night game.

Gigantes Roundup:

- Vizquel should tie Aparicio tonight.

- An interesting (if slightly played out) "what-if" on what could have been if the Giants outsourced their ace position in 2006.

- Bruce Jenkins opines (in a way only BJ does) that, given our knowledge of Bill Neukom, Brian Sabean may not see the second year of his contract.

- Yabu san rocks.

Commentary Igniter: How many wins will Barry Zito get this season?

Like Ballpark Food? Too Bad...

At least we can chalk this up as a victory over the Bums.

In other news, a day after denying Brandon Webb a 10-0 start, the Marlins completed a sweep of the Arizona Diamondbacks, also known as the only legitimate major league team in the NL West.

I'm going to go ahead and say Florida is due for a loss. Right?

[Long pause, the sounds of frantic Googling, a gasp followed by barely audible weeping, then wheezing.]

Barry Zito takes the mound tonight.

I Thought We Had an Off-Day...

But instead it appears the San Francisco Giants are challenging an ominous looking over-the-hill action hero.

Tomorrow, however, the Gigantes take on the Florida Models of Fiscal Restraint, otherwise known as the Marlins.

They don't have the best record, but they're still very good. If you're stupid and base your opinion of a team on say, wins and losses, they're much better than the Giants, in fact.

If Vizquel plays all three games, he'll get the record (appropriately) in a town known for it's rich Latino heritage.

- Didn't post this yesterday, but I just want to go on record and say I agree wholeheartedly with Tim Lincecum's comments:

"Lincecum said he tried too hard to throw strikes, which is one way to throw balls. During one stretch, he went to three-ball counts on seven consecutive hitters, which might be why he said, "In my mind, this was one of my worst outings ever. Yeah, I battled, but I don't want to go through that again."

Like I've been saying since he came up, it was only a matter of time until we realized he actually sucks.

- First, Padres GM Kevin Towers comments about how the sucktitude of the team, then defending Cy winner Peavy gets DL'ed, and now this.

Double ouch. Pretty much any other pitcher (except the Big Wet Rat) and the ball's in center field.

Hate the Pads but you gotta feel for Chris Young - that's scary. Good thing he's okay.

DISCLAIMER: Pity's made easier when the rival is inferior even to your own subpar allegiances.

- Whoops, had a big subconscious slip when I instituted a "comment-starter" on the blog only to realize that I got that from McCovey Chronicles, the granddaddy of all Giants blogs. So, until I figure this out, I'll use a non-sequitur:

Mambo-Dogface: WTF should I rename the mambo-dogface section of each post?

Holm Is Where The Heart Is

Steve Holm: pinch-hitter extraordinaire, clutch, good defensive backstop, and ripe for puns. He's my kinda guy.

The Holm recovered from a case of the squirts (TMI?) to hit a pinch-hit double in the top of the ninth that delivers a second tying run after 8 donuts. Durham and Vizquel back it up in the tenth to get the boys a much needed come from behind series clincher.

The Giants leave Colorado in third place, after showing, at least for one warm Denver day, miles and miles of heart...



Quick observations:

- Give credit to Dirty for battling in a start where he could have given up a huge amount of runs. He showed some guts, but needs to tighten it up. The Rockies shot themselves in the foot a number of times.

- Tyler Walker is the winning pitcher and looks to have recovered nicely from a recent rough stretch with a 1-2-3 through the heart of the lineup, which absolutely killed the Giants this series. Good to see him back.

- Brian Wilson makes the tenth inning save less dramatic than last night, but still shows the need to run up 3 ball counts on literally every hitter, walking one - paging Dave Righetti...

- Vizquel really does do all the little things. Made the game-winning sac fly look easy and got the rally started in the ninth. I'll happily eat crow on my earlier assessment of the guy.

On the other hand, I will never ever acknowledge the skill of Durham.

Comment-starter: What's the deal with Brian Wilson? Should we let him take his lumps? Is this Dave Righetti's fault? Can we assign blame to more people, just because we can?

Sure, My Door's Closed Because of a "Conference Call"...

Day game. Lineups up - Denker, of course, isn't playing.

So who shows: Good Dirty or Bad Dirty? Flamethrower You're Bald-o Jimenez on the hill for the Rox.

With the weather warm at Coors, this could be an offensive show - not good for our boys.

C U, A U

Timmy and the maligned O get it done, although Brian Wilson's performance made me feel inclined to retract my previous statement about the overall performance of the bullpen.

Wilson's very shaky save yesterday (3 hits, 1 intentional pass, one long 2 run Barmes HR and mere inches from a game-tying homer from Holliday) does nothing to allay fears of his long-term viability as a closer. Two issues continue to rear their ugly head - his inability to put people away (he had Barmes 0-2 and Holliday 1-2) and his control with anything beyond the fastball.

As we saw with the Pat Burrell game-winner a couple of weeks back and Clint Barmes last night, major league hitters will tee off on a fastball, no matter how fast it is, once they can time it.

Is this inability to put people away and ongoing control issues a function of bad coaching?

The answer: an absolute and categorical "duh". In fact, this site was almost firedaverighetti.com. But I digress.

- Relatively big roster news as AUGenio Velez is sent down. Although I always liked the kid, he's definitely still raw and playing every day in Fresno only serves to help him. First task? Discerning the art of pickoff moves. All the best to him - I hope to see him back up before too long.

In his place, welcome Travis Denker. You may remember the 22 year old infielder as the PTBNL in the Mark Sweeney to Dodgers deal last year. The guy has shown a little something with the bat but I sincerely hope they intend to give the guy a shot in terms of regular playing time. Not starting for almost two weeks (like Velez) won't cut it.

Although primarily a second baseman, the Giants did try him out at third in spring training, for what it's worth.

Huh - the Giants just sent down a young (albeit maddening) position player with promise and called up an even younger one. What's going on here?

- From within the Velez piece by Schulman, a good blurb on new arrival Alex Hinshaw - hadn't put this together yet myself:

Hinshaw's start: Alex Hinshaw, the 25-year-old left-hander called up to replace the injured Merkin Valdez, has had quite a start to his major-league career. He has struck out four of his first six batters. They include Jim Thome and Todd Helton, two of the best left-handed hitters in the game who deserve to be at least in the conversation about the Hall of Fame.

Hinshaw said the experience "is kind of surreal, because you're facing (possible) Hall of Famers, but you've still got to get ahead and throw strike one. Initially, when you first toe the rubber, it's always a jittery feeling because I only have a limited amount of major-league experience. When it comes down to it, you've still got to make your pitches."

Hinshaw caught Thome looking at a curveball and Helton at a tailing fastball.

By the way, where the heck are all these young players coming from? Do we have a scouting department somewhere I haven't been aware of?

- And lastly, something to file in "Too Far Away to Worry About - Yet": Fred Lewis hit a monstrous homer that proved vital in the top of the ninth. He also hit for the cycle there on Mother's Day 2007. In fact, if I'm Fred Lewis, I wouldn't mind setting up camp there once I hit free agency. Check out his numbers at the Silver Bullet.

Amazingly, he actually hits better (in a much smaller sample size, granted) at the other bandbox in Cincy, where he has a 1.625 OPS with a .625 average.

Comment-starter: On a scale of Rickey Henderson to Bill Walsh, how good of a coach is Dave Righetti? Is it fair to blame him for the staff's struggles or is it more of a matter of what he has in terms of talent? Leave your thoughts!

Stop The Bleeding, Tiny Dancer...

Timmy tries to be the stopper tonight. After last week's bullpen implosion against the Astros (in which Tim left with a 7-3 lead in the 6th), I'll hold back on any hubris this week.

That being said, a win tonight would be full circle for the kid, who got his first win against Colorado last May.

Lineups up - Podsednik replaces the struggling Tavares and Hawpe is back in right.

No surprises for the G-Men's starting 9. Unless you count Aurilia starting at third.

Will tonight be the night they hit in the clutch? Does clutch hitting even exist? Talk amongst yourselves.

Yor-vit Is Better Than Ours

Among the nasty byproducts of the mercenaries otherwise known as the early 21st century Giants is that we seem to play a former Giant every freaking series. And every freaking series, no matter how much their skills eroded, if there were any in the first place, they kill us.

So in following in the May tradition of Pedro Feliz, Jose Cruz, Jr. and A.J. Pierzynski, Yorvit Torrealba was the hero last night with the go ahead 2 run double off Vinnie Chulk. And Pat (you drive me) Mischuga once again had his first W of the season ripped away.

In April, the Giants showed that a punch and judy team can, in fact, generate enough runs to win, particularly given the presence of a solid staff. I don't think I'm going out on a ledge in proclaiming that the bullpen has been fairly awful the past couple of weeks, but I believe this is more of a correction than a permanent decline. Did anyone really think that Tyler Walker was going to keep that minuscule ERA? Or that Vinnie Chulk would strand every single runner he inherited? Or that Keiichi Yabu was any kind of long-term answer?

Additionally, Merkin Valdez's absence has hurt this team more than we could have imagined. And that's a guy, who, if he stays healthy (which has always been the problem) could maintain a dominant pace given his stuff.

Here's the point: this team could, you know, come back sometimes. The Giants trailed by 1 for three full innings at Coors Field against a 26th ranked pitching staff and couldn't get it done.

This team, you know, could use a clutch hit with RISP (.196 with 2 outs/.224 overall), or even, perhaps, put the ball in play with a runner on third but less than two outs (purely empirical - who dares call me on this?)

Even the "clutch hitters" are not delivering in this regard. Bengie Molina, who has largely been hitting cleanup because of his clutch hitting, is only hitting .250 with RISP. Same stat for Aaron Rowand (who had an ugly AB with RISP yesterday) - and these guys are our leaders.

Granted, you can't put lipstick on a pig, so I don't put this all on Carney Lansford. But it would be helpful if the better looking pigs told the uglier, runtier pigs that their collective best shot at an extended lifespan is as a showpig.

Okay, I'm done. In other news:

- Remember when the Giants talked to Dallas McPherson before deciding they had no interest? Because we were happy with our options at third?

The former Angels über-prospect, whose career was derailed by back injuries, hit 3 homers for AAA Albuquerque yesterday and is otherwise absolutely destroying AAA pitching.

I guess there's a reason the Marlins are in first with a payroll about a quarter of ours.

Also ironic: the third man out of the three man duel at third between Jorge Cantu (now starting with the Marlins) and McPherson, who was optioned, was Jose Castillo.

- ESPN reports P.J. may hang it up after this year. Unfortunate that such a great pitcher had such an assorted injury history, and a prime reason why Giants fans soil themselves every time the similarly proportioned Timmy L throws over 100 pitches or comes in after an hour rain delay. For the record, I only soiled myself in the latter instance.

- Andruw Jones may have an excuse for his general suck. Not a good one mind you, particularly because his rotundity is probably the reason his knee's giving out.

- Props to Jon Lester, who throws a no-hitter last night. Besides the fact that this is the Red Sox 112th no-hitter in the past ten years, a great story because of the odds Mr. Lester has had to fight to get back to where he is today.

I Like Links, Linkity Linkity Links; Lincecum is Good

Giants are at struggling NL Champion Colorado tonight, and here's a fun fact: amazingly, the Giants are only a half game back of them.

On the flip side, here's a dark ominous fact: the Giants can end up above .500 for the month - if the Giants win out for the rest of May.

But this will cheer you up again - an anonymous NL hitter emailed Buster Olney (subscription required) to emphasize how filthy Lincecum is. It's about halfway down.

Also from within that blog, look for a grisly (and awesome) story regarding the suddenly hot maple bat controversy. It involves Rick Helling, AAA and a shard of maple bat and a forearm.

Meanwhile, former Giants ace (and nice guy) Jason Schmidt is a little bit crabby, and not in a crazy way, about the fastball that used to light up the Pac Bell Park speed gun:

Ask Jason Schmidt about any aspect of his recovery from shoulder surgery, with one exception.

"Don't ask me about velocity," said Schmidt, who did not appear to be joking. "The next guy that asks me about velocity, I'm not going to do another interview for the rest of the year."

And finally, check out a cool new aggregator that has feeds from various news sources (including yours truly) on all things Giants - props to Andy, who developed the thingamabob.

UPDATE [6:35PM]: The above link to SFGiantWire should now work. (Thanks to TK.)

Apologies and Weekend Roundup

Apologies for the weekend hiatus, I was busy gagging in the corner along with the Giants bullpen.

But seriously folks, I'm also sorry for the weekend sweep at the hands of the AJ Krasinski (or whatever it is) and the Chicago White Sox, for the barrage of home runs that Mark Leiter, er, Matt Cain gave up, Barry Zito's 0-8 start, a 3-7 homestand and a 4-13 month.

I can tell you must have been chomping at the bit for Giants news in this environment.

Also, a note to Henry Schulman - sh*t or get off the pot, there, buddy. You just realized you lost access, didn't you?

Speaking of Brian Sabean, these kinds of articles give me hope that a "vote of confidence" isn't too far behind.

And as that article mentions, Bill "Duke" Neukom is the new managing partner. Neukom seems, well, kind of badass, in a dorky Microsoft kind of way. Love the fact that he seems like a huge fan, but like any smart Giants fan should know, reserving judgment is usually the best course of action.

Magowan, Gowan, Gone!

Our beloved (and I use the term loosely) team President and onetime "savior" has made his exit from the franchise official today. I suppose this means he will throw himself a ticker-tape parade down King St. and when he is denied public money to help pay for it, he will take out a HUGE mortgage and force parade watchers to pay $54 for admission and sell $8 garlic fries.

I'm not holding out hope that President-elect Larry Baer will do anything differently than Magowan with the exception of beefing up the Kosher hot dog selection. As one who was raised Jewish, I relish the opportunity down a Hebrew National.

Technicalities Be Damned: Giants Nation Adopts Michael Barrett As Their Own

In preparation for the eagerly-awaited return of erstwhile Giants catcher Anthony John Pierzynski, Giants fans have hired the Padre's (currently) injured catcher to chair his welcoming committee. Pooling their money to charter a flight from San Diego, fans expect Barrett to be a great asset to the team.
The former Cubs field general will have a teeming schedule when he arrives in the Bay Area: Barrett will greet Pierzynski as he gets off the team bus with a big bear hug. He will make sure that he is taken care of in the visitor's clubhouse. Barrett will greet him again in the dugout. He will see to it that AJ is nicely settled at the Hotel. And he will do this for all three games!

In related news, Padres fans rejoice in the knowledge that one of their own will actually be beating something.

While here, he was known as "The Cooler" with his ability to cool down a boisterous clubhouse atmosphere. Maybe he should have been called "The Fridge" for his large stature and ability to safely store dozens of sausages.

As all will remember, Pierzynski had an abysmal 2005 in San Francisco that began with an April report that he refused to watch tape with Giants pitchers. Of course, he claims that he was prescient enough to foresee these problems after a preseason meeting with Magowan. The veracity of all these statements aside, in his time here he was a pain on the field as well with the worst full season performance of his career in SLG, AVG and OBP. I can't really write about this guy anymore, as I feel the polish kielbasa in my stomach trying to wiggle its way back out.

[The Trade That Shall Not Be Mentioned (TTSNBM) will not be mentioned here.]

Fans can only hope that Molina's right cross is a bit more Mike Tyson and a little less Mike Barrett.

Merkin Me Crazy

Valdez goes on DL with elbow injury

MRI exam set for today. Not a good sign for a guy who's had reconstructive surgery. A shame because he was really starting to display the talent the Giants saw in him when they acquired him in the Russ Ortiz deal way back in 2002.

All the best to the kid.

Alex Hinshaw has been called up to replace him. He's an interesting kid in his own right. He's been absolutely dominant in AAA after a fantastic 2007 season in Connecticut.

UPDATE (2:46PM) - For what it's worth, from the official site:

Although Valdez underwent Tommy John elbow surgery in September 2006, manager Bruce Bochy reiterated that the 26-year-old's current injury is located in a "slightly different area" of his elbow.

"We think it's fine, but we don't want to put him out there and risk any major setbacks," Bochy said. "We want to err on the side of caution."

SabeanMetrics

A suddenly shaky bullpen blows the game in late innings once again as the Giants lose to Fat Elvis and the 'Stros 6-3.

Meanwhile, unclutch hitting, a constant for this team, cosst Pat Misch a chance at his first win, as hitters go 1 for 12 with RISP, including two instances in which runners were stranded at third with less than two outs.

Giants can (and will) get the split as Hold Me Closer Tiny Lincecum faces Chris "I want to talk to" Sampson in the day game.

So the Giants are on a 91 loss pace.

But don't sweat it - Brian Sabean isn't. In fact, he thinks the Giants can contend...this year.

When it comes down to it, I think I'm an optimist. Sure, I've enjoyed watching the Giants play this year, and like this team much more than the one before it and the one before that. There's some interesting (gasp! positional) prospects up looking like they belong, and the pitching, notwithstanding the bullpen's recent hiccups and Baked Zito, is very solid.

Sabean, however, is either shrewdly spinning a bad product or has really gone off the deep end. Yeah, maybe the Giants can catch lightning in a bottle and go on a little run. But statements like this make me scratch my head:

"You're seven games under .500. That's where you don't want to be, but I really feel good about the energy around the club and I feel good about some of our choices. We've now got a solution at first base. We've got a solution at third. We've gotten Omar (Vizquel) back. Freddie Lewis has come into his own and (Emmanuel) Burriss has been a real factor lately."

We've got a solution at third? Really? Is this the double-secret probation solution to which the general public is not privvy? Surely, you're not talking about Jose Castillo, right? The guy otherwise known as the bastard child of Pedro Feliz and Shrek. (Shrek's been thrown around lightly in describing ballplayers, but seriously, I think this one really does work.)

As for Fred Lewis and Emmanuel Burris: they are playing out of the sheer dumb luck (or inevitability) of Dave Roberts, Omar Vizquel and Ray Durham being out with injuries. This wasn't by design - so don't claim it as if it was.

And then there's this nugget:

With that in mind, Sabean said he does not contemplate moving his most marketable experienced players before the trade deadline, as many rebuilding teams do. Catcher Bengie Molina and outfielder Randy Winn, both signed through 2009, might yield the most in return. But as of now, Sabean plans to keep them.

"Both of those guys are unique," he said. "On any team, whether you're in transition or you're a veteran team, you want a veteran catcher. You want somebody like Molina who has an upside with the bat. In Randy's case it's the same thing, somebody who is so versatile, a switch-hitter who can play all three outfield positions. Their relative value is going to be consistent no matter what year it is or who you have around them."

Okay, I can understand Molina, although I would trade him in a heartbeat if yielded a package that included a legitimate prospect at third base.

But you won't trade Randy Winn? THE Randy Winn, our venerable punch and judy right fielder? He can play ALL three outfield positions, you say?

However would we replace that? It's not like we have a glut of young outfielders who need playing time, correct? It wouldn't be useful to, I don't know, call Nate Schierholtz up, or play Dan Ortmeier (who's showing a decent bat in limited time) there, or even try playing Eugenio Velez at a position at which he's more comfortable and where his rocket arm would shame Randy's noodle in comparison?

But I guess Sabes has got a point, Winn is actually REALLY versatile - he can play point guard in a pinch.

Granted, it could be Sabean double-speak - but he lost OBnB's benefit of the doubt somewhere between Jason Schmidt and Neifi Perez.

Maybe the combination of another tough loss and the office downgrade from slightly crappy coffee to Kirkland Signature EconoCoffee has made me crabby.

So here's a comment-starter: do you really think the Giants can contend this year? And what will it take to do so?

Thanks to David Dugan

Big shoutout to photographer and graphic designer David Dugan for graciously allowing OBnB to use his wonderful photography as the backdrop for OBnB's new and improved banner - isn't it nice?

Check out his great blog. Thanks, David!

SPECIAL REPORT: LOLStros

(Please welcome OBnB Godfather JLev, whose wealth of Giants knowledge is matched only by his capacity to retain useless pop culture references.)

Ishmael Boorg (of “Kingpin” fame) once marveled on how intimidating it is to be in the presence of so many great athletes. Like Ishmael, I am sure that tonight, Pat Misch, like Matt Cain and Barry Zito before him, will look up and down the Fatstros lineup and fear that one of them may employ their distinct “athleticism” to charge the mound as if it were a Hometown Buffet.

Yes, the Astros are a fat bunch.

In a bygone era of baseball, players smoked, drank, and shoveled piles of chili cheese fries down their throats in the knowledge that their colleagues would be doing the same. Today, though we don’t exactly have genetically manufactured clones on the field just yet, the modern athlete comes close. Specifically tailored diets, training regimens, metabolic analyses and submarine concubines all contribute to the creation of the new man – chiseled out of granite and diamonds. However, there are exceptions to this day. For example, the entirety of the Fatstros lineup could be squeezed into this category with the aid of mayonnaise. (Mmmm, mayonnaise.) Let’s examine the culprits:

- Dave Borkowski (pictured left): Aside from being a 31-year-old reliever with a career ERA in the mid-fives, he also has a waistline in the high-equators. When he serves up a fat pitch, often times it is actually covered in the lard that he used to fry an entire box of Oreos the previous night.

- Miguel Tejada: In addition to the fact that he will turn ninety two years-old this year, Miggy has also been comer-ing too many pastelitos during the offseason in his native Dominican Republic. A far cry from the lean, mean SS that came up with the A’s, Miggy is starting to look less Derek Jeter and more Derrick Coleman. Put the maduros down, big guy.

- Ty Wigginton: a far bigger culprit than Tejada, Wigginton’s folds used to create the illusion that the Devil Ray splayed across his chest was actually flopping its oversized fins through the water. The move to Houston (and spit-roasted whole hogs) has done nothing to ameliorate his plight.

- Carlos Lee: Lee is an amazing physical specimen and as such has earned the nickname “El Caballo” or “the Horse” in Spanish. Perhaps a more apt description would be "El Predador" as we see him attack his prey in the preceding picture. Even when he was signed his fat 119 million Kripsy Kreme deal with the ‘stros, the bloggers were on him. Although the Livan Hernandez diet is popular in some quarters, Lee may be better served skipping a Big Mac, or twelve.

- And finally… Lance Berkman (aka Fat Elvis): Funny that Berkman has picked up the handle “Fat Elvis” to the extent that it’s even mention in his Wikipedia page, if only because The King was himself a huge lardo. In order to be Fat Elvis, one must be enormous. Listed at 240 lbs: yeah, in yer bra, he is easily over 250 and may be pushing 275. A Waco native, he must have grown up eating fried federal agents. In addition to leading the league in VORP this year, I would also venture that he leads the league in FORK (Fried/Other Ratio of Konsumption).

Alright, that may not be funny, but I tried.

Report: Magowan To Step Down Friday

From the Chronicle's Matier and Ross:

Magowan ready to exit Giants managerial team

Hard to say but the report intimates that there will not be a big-time owner buying his shares, and instead they will be divvied up, meaning the next managing partner is will likely be an existing shareholder. Bear in mind, although Magowan has been managing partner, he is not the majority shareholder.

One interesting snippet:

Some partners privately complained that Magowan's management style was autocratic - and, indeed, it may have contributed to some early powerhouse investors such as Walter Shorenstein, Don Fisher and Charles Schwab eventually pulling out, observers say.

Today's Giants Lookalike: Too Good To Be My Idea

Meet team OPS leader Matt Cain. A Bondsian 1.072 in case you're wondering.

I have an unhealthy obsession with pitchers that can hit. So even before Matt Williams, er, Cain muscled up again last night, I noted, "Cain certainly takes his hacks up there, doesn't he?"

So forget about the great game he pitched, or the fact that he may be starting to bounce back from a slow start (pitching-wise) to look like the Matt Cain we all know and love. We'll leave that to the lowly beat writers of the world today.

Cainer has shown some power in the past, blasting two out last year. But the entire staff as well as the younger hitters all seem to have benefited from the tutelage of Carney Lansford. So while Cain had 2 HRs in all of 2007, he matched that total last night and is on pace for almost 7 for 2008, a Mike Hampton-esque pace.

I'm only half-joking when I ask: can he play third?

Also, Giants win. Assists to Brian Wilson for a drama-free 1-2-3 in the 9th and FLew, who almost goes for the cycle a year to the date from last one. Slump's over, I suppose.

Win's good for a lot of reasons, most importantly because Pat Misch is facing the Astros stacked lineup tonight. And although Brian Moehler isn't exactly Roy Oswalt, Winn-Molina-Rowand also aren't Tejada-Berkman-Lee.

More Trouble for Barry

Durham's back and hitting 7th.

In other news:

Superseding indictment breaks up perjury counts against Bonds

Translation: Barry's not out of the woods yet. Although the feds have offered no new allegations, four counts of perjury have been separated into fourteen.

I'm no lawyer, but if they couldn't nail him before, I don't think Barry and the Legal Defense All-Stars are suddenly sweating now. However, it probably diminishes what little chance we had in seeing Bonds in a Major League uniform ever again.

A sad epilogue continues. But I'd still rather be him than Clemens.

This is for you, Barry. Dated but awesome:

And for those of you who haven't seen that before, I kid you not, it's 100% real.

Where Have You Gone, Jack Thomas?

You just had to know that former mercenary Giant Jose Cruz, Jr., entering the series in a 3 for 37 slump, would hurt us before the series was over. He did, as did Sir Lance Berkman and Keiichi Yabu's throw to the ghost of J.T. Snow, leading to a late 7 runs for the Astros and a 7-3 margin.

Ugly loss in another game in which the Giants were in the driver's seat. Also disconcerting: after sitting for a week with forearm tightness, Merkin Valdez did not look like his dominant April self, setting the table for the decisive Houston rally in the eighth. Everyone send good vibes to the oft-injured Valdez.

Ugh.

Let's focus on the positives the rest of the way, shall we?

- By Zito's standards, a decent start: his first quality start of the year as well as his first no-decision - baby steps, people. As the 'Stros showed, Zito's a guy without an out pitch. To his credit, he's been a better pitcher in his last two starts. The Zit's heeding Rags' advice to pitch as if the extra 5 MPHs aren't coming back and in the process, he's looking eerily similar to Kirk Rueter: relying on changing speeds and location, throwing any pitch on any count from the arsenal of the 84MPH fastball, the change and the hook.

It's not pretty, but, as we are painfully aware, it could be much worse.

- Bowker's recent run of good hitting was lacking in much power until last night's fourth inning shot off Roy Oswalt. Most encouraging is that JB hit a pretty good curveball over the brick facade. And once again, man continues to show leather at his home of, oh, a few weeks at first. Guy's bounced back and is now looking like a big part of the future.

- As OBnB Godfather Jeremy pointed out, FLew lost the compact swing that served him well in April once he picked up a Splash Hit last homestand. Slump ensues as longswingitis sets in. Carney calls it, and Lewis started cooking again - another reason to like the new coach.

- And finally, I know I've been harping on his decline, but Vizquel has come back from the DL and has hit the ball hard. Even better, he's doing his best Jake Taylor as I spotted him giving pointers to Manny Burriss (who started at second) throughout the game. That's good stuff.

Unintentional Headline Humor

Molina finds magic in pink lumber

Also, lineup posted early. Thankfully, Castillo sits.

Dirt McGirt Didn't Talk This Much

Trouble a-brewing for Ol' Dirty Sanchez?

Baggarly reports in today's Mercury News that Jonathan Sanchez was none too pleased about being lifted in the fifth in yesterday's W.

Left-hander Jonathan Sanchez said he couldn't understand why Bochy lifted him in the fifth inning after he issued a one-out walk to Chase Utley and Ryan Howard hit a game-tying triple.

"I thought he was just coming out to talk to me," said Sanchez, who had thrown 89 pitches. "It's not like I'm getting hit around. They got one good hit, Howard's (triple). That's it."

Got to side with Bobblehead Boch on this one. The quick hook was more than warranted after Sanchez grooved a belt high 0-2 fastball to a slumping Howard that he hit for a 420 foot triple.

And this wasn't an aberration: Sanchez had issued 5 walks in 4.1 IPs for a total of 9 baserunners. If Boch doesn't limit the damage right there and then, Giants most likely don't have a chance in the later innings.

Furthermore, O.D.S. hasn't earned the right to air his grievances with the manager to the media. Love ya, but keep the trap shut and channel that energy into throwing strikes, bud.

- Within that piece is a preview of tonight's Zito-Oswalt mismatch, er, matchup tonight as a good 'Stros team hits town.

Clutch Holmer

Steve Holm gets it done in relief of Big Money as his 2-run homer (the first of his ML career) in the bottom of the seventh helps the Giants nab the rubber match and return the favor to the Phillies.

Awesome story for the local boy. The former backup to Justin Knoedler in Single-A San Jose has looked the part in the majors coming off an improbable upset in an open battle for the backup job in spring training.

On the other hand, Jose Castillo celebrated the return of Pedro Feliz by doing his best impression, hitting into 3 double plays (two on the first pitch and two with the bases loaded) before lining a triple in a completely no-pressure situation leading off the eighth. (Unsurprisingly, he was subsequently stranded by Vizquel, Aurilia and Lewis). His struggles epitomize the Giants biggest downfall so far this season: not cashing in on baserunners. Team batting with RISP? .237.

Dirty continues to struggle as he allows three in a very wild 4.1 IPs. Also troubling: Sanchez's inability to control his emotions - a good example being his failure to cover first on a helluva diving play by John Bowker.

However, the bullpen does the job - a scoreless 4.2IPs as Sadler looks like he belongs, and Taschner, Walker, and Wilson throw a scoreless inning apiece, all without much drama. Special shoutouts to Walker, who bounces back from a recent hard-luck patch, and Wilson, who gets Burrell back with a Nen-esque series of sliders to get the 9th inning K.

All in all, a lot of positives. In addition to his ever-improving D, Bowker may have made his first adjustment (and the one many prospects never make) - in limited duty this month, he's hitting .556. Both of his hits today were opposite field against a steady diet of breaking balls. Maybe we have a keeper.

Also, Aaron Rowand is good. One hit in one official AB along with three walks boosts his average to .348 and his OBP over .400. Gamer or not, guy certainly backs his scowl up.

Great Mother's Day at the park.

- Great to see Vizquel back. Didn't get a chance to mention his solid debut in yesterday's win. Had a great turn in today's game, barehanding a wayward Velez toss and almost turning an improbable 4-6-3 early on.

Contrary to previous speculation, Durham stays active but Burriss's buddy Bo gets the axe. Best of luck to the kid who never really had a chance against big league pitching. Hopefully, it's not his last taste of the big leagues.

Moms Dig the Giants

Lincecum is the man again and stops the slide.

Dirty looks to rebound from a poor effort last time out and start a new kind of streak this afternoon against former Padre (and the infamous loser of a fight with a DVD) Adam Eaton.

A Happy Mother's Day to all the Moms out there from OBnB. For your reading pleasure, we offer this heartwarming tale submitted by a reader in the Vail (CO) Daily:

“Mom and I would listen to baseball games all the time when I was a kid. The baseball announcer would say, ‘And now the other team is going to intentionally walk so-and-so.’ Mom would stop what she was doing and say, ‘And no you’re going to split your infinitive.’ And thus, a future sports writer was born. Never split your infinitive.

Pitching and defense makes a baseball team a winner. Unfortunately, the San Francisco Giants have never had enough of both to do so. My mom and I and other Giants fans are still waiting for our first championship since 1954.

Sit down, shut up and watch the baseball game. Don’t ask me to buy you assorted food and souvenirs. Watch the game.

If the San Francisco Giants were playing on the East Coast, dinner wasn’t coming until after the game. My father, who never liked baseball, never understood that.”
— Chris Freud, Eagle-Vail

Awesome.

Now let's deliver for all the Giants moms, boys.

Fivish Stinkle

Sound familiar?

"Tough loss as Giants take early lead on [team from PA] only to lose it on bad breaks in the late innings to lose [<4] to 4."

7-4 loss this time, as the Keystone State continues its brutal assault of the victims otherwise known as the Giants of San Francisco. In a painfully predictable course of events, Jimmy Rollins took out the frustration of sitting a month on the Giants staff, and the men in blue showed no deference to the likes of Tyler Walker, who took the tough L.

Stat for optimists? The Giants have started their second straight month at 1-6 - if one month of history is any indicator, which it surely is not, the Giants will bounce back admirably the remainder of May.

Lincecum aims to be the stopper (once again) today as he faces Rip Van Moyer, who stands 22 years Timmy's senior.

On an actual bright note, Manny Burriss is beginning to play like he belongs up here: in addition to some nice displays on D, in May, he's hitting .364 with an .846 OPS in 23 at bats. Good because at the outset of this year, it looked like the Giants had no one in their system capable of taking over in the next year, which would inevitably lead to the offseason signing of Rafael Furcal to a 6 year deal. Of course, this is also bad for the collective ego of myself and the Lunatic Fringe because it serves as a potential counterexample to the theory that Brian Sabean et al is incapable of effectively scouting and developing a position player, thus undermining our case to send him to podiatry school.

Now someone might say that it that is a moot point now that Omar Viquel's return is imminent. My response would be that someone is a stupid doo doo face, because he (or she, we're PC here at OBnB) is expecting a 41 year old shortstop with a bum knee to play at all consistently over the course of the remaining 124 games.

Over/under on the games he plays this season? 54.5. I love the guy, but this also guarantees his option for '09 doesn't vest, once again bailing out Sabean from his stupidity - that lucky SOB.

Also within the Vizquel piece is a strong hint that Strained DurHam is most likely hitting the DL upon Omar's activation. Best of luck on that GTA4 level attack, Ray - try not to sprain your retina.

Midday Break: Rebuilding, Reschmuilding

Although I'm not a huge fan of ESPN's Power Rankings, I have to say that this week's does underscore the very legitimate notion that Brian Sabean is the second best GM in Bay Area baseball - by a very long distance.

In other news, guess who's back?

Photoshop is Creepy

No time to lick wounds as the boys are back at Pac Bell tonight, playing host to Patty Burrell and the Heartbreakers.

Cole Hamels (the Phillies' Tim Lincecum) vs. Pat Misch (the Giants' Pat Misch) in what appears to be a lopsided matchup.

For added fun, reigning MVP and Bay Area native Jimmy Rollins is expected back this series, perhaps as early as tonight, making it just that much harder this time around.

Can you tell I'm grumpy this morning?

Some interesting and mostly depressing tidbits in this piece in today's Chronicle, including this gem on Baked Zito's historic start to the season:

On top of everything on Barry Zito's plate, he has a historically bad record. According to the Elias Sports Bureau, Zito became the third starter in Giants history, and the first in 81 years, to lose his first seven decisions. The others were Bill Carrick in 1899 and Bill Clarkson in 1927.

Lost in the shellackings, however, has been the offense's ineptitude in his starts:

However, the Giants have scored a total of nine runs in his seven games. According to Elias, the last San Francisco pitcher with that little support over his first seven games was Ed Halicki in 1976. Halicki went 1-6 in those starts with a 6.82 ERA, nearly identical to Zito's 6.95.

So Barry can take solace that Ed Halicki, wherever he is, feels his pain, which is nice.

Magowan A Goner?

Another day, another loss as the Giants get swept by the lowly (and I use the term ironically) Pirates. On a miserable afternoon, the boys in orange and black continued to make the Pirates' last ranked staff look like that of the 1990s Braves.

The Giants are now a season-high 7 games under .500.

If it's any consolation, this is a continuation of a trend - actually, the scientists among us should have expected this. According to the Elias Sports Bureau, Pittsburgh has won 13 of its last 15 games against San Francisco and swept three-game series from the Giants in three straight seasons.

But the bigger news coming out of today is that Peter Magowan may be following his buddy Barry Lamar Bonds out the door in short course. Yesterday, Mark Gonzales of the Chicago Tribune reported within his blog:

The rain didn't arrive until much longer than three hours past the scheduled starting time. That caused San Francisco managing general partner Peter Magowan to blast the Cubs for their decision, as they suspected the Cubs were pushing for the rainout so Kevin Tapani could pitch later in the series...

Ten years later, MacPhail is in Baltimore. And Magowan is expected to retire soon, according to two sources, as part of a "change in control coming soon" in San Francisco, according to a major-league source.

Ray Ratto has reaction in today's Splash Blog.

The fallout of this potential bombshell is hard to ascertain. If Magowan does indeed step down, the most likely scenario appears to be one in which Sue Burns, the majority shareholder, takes over, which may be a continuation of the status quo - remember, all of the shareholders have invested their confidence in Magowan, and should he leave, there is no reason to believe they would be chomping at the bit to axe Brian Sabean, a close Magowan ally.

Then again, maybe they would.

The juicier (and less probable) possibility is that Magowan's shares (and perhaps others) may be divvied up not among current shareholders but sold to a new owner that then becomes managing partner. You know, someone like Larry Ellison, Mark Cuban or Paul Allen - guys who have the capital and are willing to spend what it takes to win. But let's not get too far ahead of ourselves.

Then there's this idea from Rick Cook of Brentwood, CA in today's letters to the Sporting Green:

Editor - I believe I have found the solution to the Giants problem. They must give Barry Zito his outright release immediately. Zito can then retire from baseball and take all of the money the Giants owe him and purchase part of the team.

Assuming the Giants, in their sorry state, are worth maybe $200 million, Zito could become the majority owner with no out-of-pocket expenses for his salary. Then as majority owner he could fire whoever the idiot is whose idea it was to sign him. Assuming it was Peter Magowan - he's gone. Brian Sabean, because he didn't have the guts to quit, bye bye. Larry Baer, just because, so long. Bruce Bochy, if you are the one who decided to start Zito Opening Day giving him six starts in April, goodbye to you, too.

Zito could then take over all four positions saving the Giants even more money as long as he agrees to never activate himself. A win-win if you ask me.

RICK COOK
Brentwood

And although I wouldn't ever wish someone out of a job, I do wish that Brian Sabean had a different job, like, I don't know, say, as a podiatrist. This makes that dream of mine one step closer to reality.

The X-Man Cometh

I think Giants fans are paying retribution for my previous backhanded insult of Xavier Nady. His current hot streak also exposes a fundamental flaw in that post's reasoning. But enough about me.

Barry Zito went 5 innings and gave up 2 earned on a Nady homer. A better start than expected, but the guy certainly didn't look to be a significantly different pitcher than the one we saw in April. His fastball didn't top 84, his curve still looked a bit all over the place, and he was bailed out by good defense on a couple of occasions.

The Pirates did Zito plenty of favors by doing their best imitation of a drunk fat guy in beer league softball - you know, the guy who, if he ever connected, would hit the ball a mile but between the sun and the countless Dixie Cups of High Life, he finally swings and misses hard enough that he hurts himself, and even though it's not funny you can't really help but snicker. You could tell these guys were licking their chops pre-game, hoping that Zito would serve up extended batting practice a la Brad Hennessey last night. He did a notch better, and, as they say in politics, it's all about exceeding expectations.

All moot though, as the Giants made Phil Dumatrait look like Phil Niekro. Now the Giants have to win tomorrow to avoid a 1-5 trip.

- Speaking of Hennessey, the Giants mercifully sent him down today and called up the lefty Billy Sadler, who has been dominating in Fresno:

Sadler, 26, had excelled in 11 appearances with Fresno, posting a 1.13 ERA as opponents hit only .138 (8-for-58) off him. He also had 24 strikeouts in 16 innings, reflecting the command of his fastball, curveball and changeup that Bochy cited.

This is Sadler's second stint with the Giants. He relieved in five games at the end of the 2006 season, finishing with no record and a 6.75 ERA.

"I always [wondered] what the feeling would be like the next time I got called up, and it was the exact same feeling. Just phenomenal. Exciting," Sadler said. "Everything runs through your head about growing up as a kid and all the people who came along to help me get where I am."

Before you get too excited, bear in mind Sadler has issued 12 walks in those 16 innings.

CORRECTION: Billy Sadler is a righty - so much for writing without checking facts.

Look Out Allegheny!

Tonight at PNC Park:

Barry Zito (0-6, 7.53 ERA, 11K:15BB, 1.95 WHIP)
vs.
Not Barry Zito (not those statistics)

If I'm Pittsburgh, I like my chances.

John Ryan of the Merc blog puts odds on how long Baked Zito stays out there:

Pulled in or after first inning: 100/1. I know, I know, the first-inning ERA is 13.50 this season, and that has been his biggest problem for years. But he’d almost have to give up nine consecutive home runs to force Bochy and Righetti to pull the plug that quickly.

Pulled in or after second: 15/1.

Pulled in or after third: 6/1.

Pulled in or after fourth: 7/2. The favorite. I predict he’s yanked with two out in the fourth.

Pulled in or after fifth: 5/1.

Pulled in or after sixth: 8/1.

Pulled in or after seventh: 12/1.

Pulled in or after eighth: 75/1.

Complete game: 150 kajillion gazillion bobillion/1.

On a related note, in what is fast becoming a series of losses to Pennsylvania, a poll finds that Pac Bell Park is the #5 most beautiful ballpark in the country, right behind (you guessed it) PNC Park.

Meanwhile, it appears that Omar Vizquel will not be an everyday shortstop upon his return, according to Bruce Bochy. This of course is preamble to Friday, when Bruce Bochy announces that, coming off eight months of rest, Omar Vizquel will play every day.

Don't you love these guys?

Pirates' Booty (Kicking)

"You can't stop Nate McClouth, you can only hope to contain Nate McClouth."
- Anonymous

An ugly loss tonight in which Dirty gave up seven runs on six hits (and three walks) in 4.1. True to form, Sanchez was graceful in defeat:

Sanchez wasn't happy with what he said was a too-flat PNC Park mound.

"I was trying to adjust, but I was leaving the ball up a lot the whole game. That's why I got hit," Sanchez said. "That's the worst mound I've ever pitched (on). It was flat."

Of course, graceful is a subjective term.

Brad Hennessey was predictably awful in relief, and prodigal son Jose Castillo did his best Pedro Feliz impression by smacking an utterly meaningless 3 run homer to cut the deficit to 8 in the 8th frame. Oh, and since the indomitable southpaw Zach Duke took the mound, Bruce Bochy decided to play the matchup game and sit team left-handed batting OPS leader (by a large margin) Fred Lewis for the equally indomitable Dan Ortmeier. Note that tonight was the beginning of a string of 6 straight games in which the Giants face lefties - and they only get better. Manager on down, a disgusting display all around.

All of a sudden, the Giants are looking down the barrel of three straight losses (and a potentially disastrous road trip) with Barry Zit0-6 making his triumphant return tomorrow night.

Worst of all, nobody even seems to care about this early May Giants-Pirates game tonight. I mean, it's not like Indiana has a baseball team or anything.

- The MLBPA is up to it's old tricks, as they launch an investigation into possible collusion by owners, citing the cases of future Hall of Famers Barry Bonds and Kenny Lofton, who remain unsigned.

Kenny Lofton is old. And not that good. And also not really a good clubhouse presence. So there's that.

On the other hand, although Bonds is old, he's also still pretty good. So what's the hangup? Let me point to the real world applicability of this situation:

Interviewer: "Well, you seem to have an impeccable track record, quite an impressive resume, indeed. What would your salary demands be?"

Interviewee: "Really, anything. I mean, you would think I'd command a premium salary, but try me. Seriously, lowball me if you like, my response may be surprising."

Interviewer: "That's very interesting to know. Before we proceed, is there anything further that may affect your work that you would like to disclose to Acme Corporation?"

Interviewee: "My teamwork issues aside - off the record, on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being intolerable and 10 being totally cool, what's your honest opinion of federal indictees cutting out of work early for their grand jury proceedings?"

Interviewer: "Thanks for stopping by."

0.00 Bullpen ERA Earns Zito Promotion

BREAKING NEWS: Following a highly successful bullpen stint in which Barry Zito allowed no runs (none earned) on no hits and no walks, the Giants decided to finally pull the trigger and add Zito to their injury-stung rotation.

Interesting move to say the least. And just when I thought management was starting to get a clue.

In fairness, the questionable injury situations surrounding Noah Lowry and Kevin Correia has left the rotation thin. I guess the calculus is that starting the mediocre Pat Misch is not a big enough upgrade to keep Zito out. I guess...

Still, a bizarre turn of events.

Say Hey, Happy Birthday!

Following what surely was a thrilling day of sightseeing in Alabama - I mean, Central Pennsylvania - the Giants visit the Frank to the Phillies' Sylvester in the Pittsburgh Pirates tonight at beautiful PNC Park.

In stark contrast to the Giants, the Bucs have wet the bed this year in spite of a good offense: their ERA is dead last in the majors. In doing their best 2003 St. Louis Rams impression, the predictable Pirates are (you guessed it) bringing up the rear in the NL Central at 12-19.

Fans of the Pirates, our compatriots in (dare we say it, deeper) gloom, seem to have accepted their playoff-less destiny as fait accompli. At a recent get-together, I tried relating the improbable, albeit temporary, Lazarian tale of the 2006-07 Golden State Warriors to some downtrodden Pirate fans. Although I couldn't quite interpret their Iron City Light-tinged retort, I think it had something to do with me performing a physical impossibility.

That being said, the Giants are in a good position to wash the bitter taste of Philadelphia out of their mouths this week, starting tonight as Dirty takes on the struggling (but talented) Zach Duke. In the five starts since his tough season debut against the Brew Crew, Sanchez has kept pace with the likes of The Franchise, going 2-0 with a 1.82 ERA with 32Ks in 29.2 innings. This kid may be a keeper.

Duke, you may remember, is a 25 year old finesse lefty who had a lights out debut in 2005 but has battled inconsistency ever since. In future news, the San Francisco Giants sign lefty Zach Duke to a 8 year $187M deal.

Tonight also marks the return of Jose Castillo to Pittsburgh. To put in perspective, think return of Todd Linden. (Ouch, that's a lot meaner once I see it on the page - oh well.)

Let's hope the good guys display a collective short memory and we can make a good start towards a split our trip to Pennsylvania.

And, yes, that shirt is real.

Other notes:

- A very happy 77th to the greatest of them all, Willie Mays. The author of The (First) Catch, 660 career HRs, a pioneering career, and so much more, we are lucky as fans to say that he did it for the Giants.

- Armchair Scouting Assignment: Rookie Pirates GM Neal Huntington is looking to move Jason Bay, who has been accused of looking less than engaged in recent years. Then again, he plays for the Pirates and really, who gets Canadians anyway?

This Canadian, however, can hit. Given that the Pirates need young pitching in the worst way, it's probably worth noting that Bay may be someone on the move this July, and, if somehow, someway, the Giants stay in the thick of things, he's a guy worth targeting.

Off Day Debate: Vizquel's Return

Here's some news to get your mind off this weekend's downer of a series - word from the Fresno Bee is that Omar Vizquel is targeting this Friday to make his long awaited season debut.

The question becomes, then, is this a good thing? Brian Bocock never had a chance with the bat in the majors, and this could very well be his ML swan song unless he really picks it up.

Manny Burriss, on the other hand, has shown flashes. Besides being DC's great baseball hope, he has proven a fluid shortstop if not in Bocock's league defensively. The former sandwich round pick (in the same draft that produced The Franchise) has done about as well as could be expected with the bat, which is to say he hasn't done particularly well. Keep in mind, in 2006, the speedy 23 year old did very well after signing early in short-season A ball. However, after a disastrous start in high A San Jose to open 2007, it took a midseason demotion to low A Augusta for him to find his stroke again. What would have been best would be to keep the kid on a slow track. Instead, due to an ensuing institutional oversight (not disclosing whether or not it regarded having a viable backup to a 41 year old shortstop), Burriss started 2008 in AAA. Check out his pro numbers, with thanks to our friends at FirstInning:

In essentially reproducing his underwhelming numbers in AAA this year at the major league level, Manny has really already outperformed what we could reasonably expect. Bear in mind, this isn't an indictment of his future potential, but more an indicator that he needs some more time for seasoning. After all, we're talking small sample sizes across the board.

Here's the thing, though, Omar, God bless him, wasn't very good last year. His .621 OPS, although it outpaces Manny's numbers thus far, doesn't quite hack it. Hate to break it, but "off-years" by 40 year olds are more likely the beginning of the end. Especially when the player in question is recovering from knee surgery at one of the more physically demanding positions out there.

Then again, if he can even split the difference between 2007 and 2006, Vizquel will be a huge boon to this team, particularly if his glove stays solid.

Really, this is yet another situation with no really good alternative. So what do you think? Is Vizquel coming back a good thing? Should we just throw the kid out there and hope for the best?

- Also, if you haven't read this story about our new best hitter, it's something. Give FLew his due, the guy's earned it. (No really, he really has - story's plain f'ed up.) Good report by Killion.

Defense Wins Championships, and Loses Games...

Another tough loss in a series the Giants could have swept. Instead, they come out of a helluva series losing 2 out of 3.

3 errors, including the fateful Velez oops, largely the culprit.

- Big relief as Cainer looks not to be seriously hurt. Given the nature of hammies and the fact that this is Matt Cain, still disconcerting. Within that piece is a sweet one-liner from Pedro Dangerfield:

Feliz has not seen his family since the last week of spring training. It's been hard, he said, "but it's not going to be forever. It's happened before. I came to the states and left my family behind, my mom, dad, brother and sister. Now, it's little kids that I love to be with, but that's part of life."

The third baseman wanted to return to the Giants, but according to sources felt they did not go far enough in contract negotiations to bring him back. Other sources said the Giants actually offered Feliz more guaranteed money than he took in Philadelphia.

He is not sure how the fans in San Francisco will treat him Friday, but he joked about it.

"Maybe," he said, "they'll look at my average, .185, and say, 'Yes! The Giants did the right thing.'"

Notwithstanding the dearth of SF-based Pete Happy loyalists, I think the fans will do the right thing come this weekend's series.